Coaching Through iPEC’s COR.E Dynamics: Mental Influencers

This episode includes our interpretations of copyrighted works done by the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching or iPEC.

[INTRODUCTION] 

Alex Cullimore: Welcome to Uncover the Human, where every conversation revolves around enhancing all the connections in our lives.  

Cristina Amigoni: Whether that's with our families, co-workers or even ourselves.  

Alex Cullimore: When we can be our authentic selves, magic happens. 

Cristina Amigoni: This is Cristina Amigoni.  

Alex Cullimore: And this is Alex Cullimore. Let’s dive in. 

Cristina Amigoni: Let’s dive in.  

“Authenticity means freedom.” 

“Authenticity means going with your gut.” 

“Authenticity is bringing 100% of yourself not just the parts you think people want to see, but all of you.” 

“Being authentic means that you have integrity to yourself.” 

“It's the way our intuition is whispering something deep-rooted and true.” 

“Authenticity is when you truly know yourself. You remember and connect to who you were before others told you who you should be.” 

“It's transparency, relatability. No frills. No makeup. Just being.” 

[EPISODE] 

Alex Cullimore: Hello, Cristina. 

Cristina Amigoni: Hello.  

Alex Cullimore: We are back with the second episode. Well, this is the third episode. We have an intro and then we have the spirituals. This is our third episode in the COR.E Dynamics Series that we're doing. Today we're going to continue our talks on influencers.  

A quick reminder, influencers are about what can help increase or decrease our level of energy available to focus on what we want to focus on, accomplish our goals, how we're living. All these can be affected by the influencers. We've talked about a brief overview of all of them. And today we are going to start by diving into the mental influencer.  

Cristina Amigoni: Yes. And the more we get into this, the less math we're going to do on which number of episodes we're in. 

Alex Cullimore: Yeah. I'm going to stop telling myself what episode is it. Because we're definitely going to mess that one out.  

Cristina Amigoni: Talk about mental influencer.  

Alex Cullimore: The mental influencer, an interesting one. It has to do with things like alertness, concentration and focus. Alert as being what can you notice? What are you aware of? How alert are you to what is happening around you? And it doesn't have to be like a threatened gazelle on the planes. What are you alert about? But that is a good kind of example of what it means to be alert. What can you notice that's around you? And so, that falls right into things like concentration and focus. How concentrated are you? What kind of focus do you have? Getting into some of your acute awareness and how able are you to access your own intuition and creativity, your memory. Everything that gives you clarity about your situation. What else goes into the mental influencer, Cristina?  

Cristina Amigoni: I think that's most of it, for sure. What I remember going through this as a client and a coach was the true realization of not being able to multitask and how the mind really cannot do that and it's one of those things that like you hear. You're like, "Humans can multitask." And, yeah, we all try to do it. And we all think we can't do it. And we're like, "But I'm a great multitasker."  

Diving into the mental influencers is when I realized like, "Oh, no. Actually, we cannot multitask." And so, how can we best show up in the alertness, concentration, focus, and clarity, memory, all of them? How can we access all of these characteristics of the mental influencers? By first realizing that we need to be in a certain environment to fully be mentally present.  

Alex Cullimore: That's a great way of describing it. When I think about multitasking, it makes me wonder if like the reason that I think sometimes I definitely have fallen in occasion. I've been like, "Oh. Yeah, of course, I can multitask," which absolutely is not true. But I think part of the reason that – at least for me. And I'm curious if it resonates with you. That I feel like I used to feel like I could multitask is that your brain can be full of all kinds of thoughts and all kinds of things will be served up. I mean, I could be doing this podcast and wondering about like, "Wait, did I place that grocery order?" There's lots of things that will pop up in my head. And we always talk about that in our leadership classes as like the washing machine of words and thoughts that are tumbling around in no necessarily linear sense.  

And sometimes that might give us the feeling that there's something, yeah, we're concentrating on in addition to what we're also currently doing. And there might be a lot of subconscious processing, but it's not happening at the conscious level. The conscious level can only really appreciate one thing at a time. It can only really focus on one thing at a time. It might keep serving up things that are distractions, which goes to our mental influencer. What are we distracted by?  

But that I think is part of what occasionally has led me to believe incorrectly that I can multitask because my brain will happily serve up 10,000 distractions in the middle of a sentence. And I'll think that I'm doing all of these at once. But, realistically, there's one track at a time. 

Cristina Amigoni: Yeah. I think that's a good distinction. There is a subconscious level that's always going. I mean, it's going when we're sleeping. It's never stopping. It's not about saying like, "Oh, the subconscious stops completely too when we are conscious." Because we know it doesn't.  

But it is about being 100% mentally present. And so, we can try to be 20% present in two different things or three different things. But then we'd realize that we didn't really retain any side of things and we're not quite there.  

I mean, one of the things that I've realized and I think we've done it recently. I've done it recently in our leadership training. I remember I was staring at some people who were having a conversation on the other side of the room. But I had my own thoughts going.  

And I remember like they were steering, they looked back almost like expecting me to respond and that's when I almost woke up from this moment of thinking like, "Oh, no. Wait. I'm looking in your directions. But I actually am not hearing a single word you guys are saying." It just happened to be the direction my eyes are looking at while I'm going through whatever the focus in my head is.  

Alex Cullimore: I've definitely done that a number of times. And occasionally, you'll do something where you're thinking about something that's kind of either frustrating to you or you're trying to figure something out. So you end up with like this face that's like kind of credit or thinking about like, "Oh, man." If you happen to be looking at interaction to people, it's very easy to interpret that as like, "What is this person thinking about? I mean, why are they upset and looking in my direction?" And then you kind of zone back in and you're like, "Oh, shoot. I'm looking at this person." I've definitely done that a few times. 

Cristina Amigoni: Yeah. It's interesting. And I've done it also, which is I tend to talk out loud. Well, not out loud. But at least – well, out loud, but not in a loud manner. Even if I'm going on a walk and I have a thought, I just have conversations with myself. But I actually start saying words in very faint voice, but I say them. And I forget that, well, other humans exist.  

And so, every once in a while, when I'll run into another human and I'm having my own conversation with myself, they'll look at me and be like, "Wait. What was that?" And I'm like, "Oh, no. Sorry. I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to the voices in my head."  

Alex Cullimore: Cristina is the famous schizophrenic of the neighborhood now.  

Cristina Amigoni: Just me in Times Square.  

Alex Cullimore: Those are good examples of what happens when there's positive and negative influences. Well, I'm putting a judgment on that and saying that. But what happens when our mental influencer is helping us achieve a better energetic engagement and what is happening when it is detracting from our energetic engagement? 

I mean, when we're in those thought processes, we are engaged in some other thought process. But that might not be the time or the place that we want that to be placed. You're talking about the leadership training. You're thinking about something else. You realize you're staring at people. They might not be serving you the way you want it to.  

Sometimes when we have enough distractions going on in our life or enough other things. And there's nothing wrong with having these distractions. These will inevitably happen. But when that happens, we might not be able to access our full energy. And when we can get into better zones of clarity, better zones of alertness, focus, et cetera, we might be able to get into greater zones of energy towards what we want to accomplish.  

Cristina Amigoni: Yeah, much greater performance, for sure. The outcomes are very different. As we talked quite a bit about listening in our leadership program, and the washing machine and how do we become better listeners. Because we're not. Nobody's taught how to listen. Well, some of us are taught how to speak. But we're never – with presentations, we start presentations when we're in school. And there's more formal – there's presentations and jobs and things like that. But nobody's ever taught how to listen.  

And listening does take a lot of digging deeper in the mental influencers. It's like what's going on in the mind? So that I can listen better. So that I can be more alert. That I can concentrate and focus on what the other person is saying. That I can be clear that I can remember what the other person is saying so that I can acknowledge, and validate, and rephrase and continue the conversation in a productive way. And really listen to understand. Not listen to reply.  

And I find that the mental influencers and really understanding how we operate in all of them makes it easier to. Become a better listener because then you're aware of even things like, "Hey, I'm writing an email. And my husband comes up to me and he starts talking. And after doing the mental influencers' work, I realized like, hey, I actually can't do both. I can't listen to him in a way that I can respond to what he's saying. And also, not even just respond, but even understand what he's saying and participate in this communication. As opposed to just having noise. Kind of like the Peanuts teacher in the room. And also, fully concentrating on an email or on whatever I'm doing on my laptop, which also, to make it better and more successful, needs my full concentration."  

And so, we've learned quite a bit. And it was a lot of also saying it out loud. Like, "Hey, I need to finish this and then I can listen to you. I can't do both. Or I can pause this, because it's not that urgent, and I can fully focus on what you are saying. And then I can fully come back to this. But it's helped me realize that now I can do both much better and there's much better outcomes."  

And there's the energy, like you mentioned. My energy is much higher and calmer at the same time. I don't get frustrated. Because now I'm like trying to do both. And neither of things are actually happening. 

Alex Cullimore: Yeah. Yeah. That's a good point. That there is kind of a spiraling feature of the mental influencer if you start to get distracted with something else. It can become doubly hard to get back into a focused zone or a concentrated zone. And when your attention is pulled in multiple directions, it can then become even more difficult to access kind of mental clarity. At which point, it's harder to – now you've got to defuse two things to get back to that clarity and it's very difficult. Unless you can give yourself more into this zone of like, "All right. I'm going to focus on one thing at a time." And just try and give yourself the frameworks and help towards what is the most important thing I need to evaluate right now? 

Because it's very clear sometimes. If a fire alarm goes off, you got to pay attention to that if. There's smoke in the kitchen, pay attention to that first and not the email. But there's other times in life where it's a little bit more ambiguous. There's two not super urgent things going on, like, "Oh, I need to have this conversation and I need to finish this email." And both of those can be true. But giving yourself a framework to allow yourself to choose and choose one, vocalize it. Make sure everybody is clear on what needs to be chosen. Yeah, absolutely, you can get towards some better outcomes.  

Cristina Amigoni: Yeah, it definitely is. The other piece that understanding mental influencers really I think elevates is knowing what you're capable of doing based on what's on your calendar or based on what's expected of you. You talk about this quite a bit. How it takes about 20 minutes to switch context in work.  

And so, if we're constantly switching context, we're not actually getting in the zone on anything. All we're doing is just moving our heads around and bobbing it. And that's it. Nothing really gets out of it. And so, knowing that. For both of us, knowing that tenacity work, the heads-down work takes a lot of energy because it's not our working genius. And one of the things that I've realized is, hey, when I have tenacity work, I literally need either the whole day or the majority of the day with nothing else. No meetings. No picking up the kids nor having to do anything.  

Because otherwise, all I'm thinking about is the deadline. I'm like, "Oh, in an hour and a half, I have to stop my concentration." And I don't know how long it's going to take me to actually get into the focus that I need. And so, then why bother? Might as well just waste the hour and a half. 

Alex Cullimore: Yeah. I feel that way too. Giving that block is important. Giving yourself that. And this is why it's important to do this kind of work and think about mental influencers. Because you can give yourself the best opportunity to put yourself in a situation that you can be successful. There's not always time. There's a deadline and we have to crunch some things. That's fine. But if we can plan ahead and we can think far enough ahead, maybe we can give ourselves that block and not create that crunch time.  

And knowing that doing this tenacity work, which is a whole different podcast. We could talk about the working genius. But that tenacity work of finishing, very detailed, buttoning everything up work that towards the end of any kind of effort that I absolutely need some of that space for. Otherwise, I'm just going to let myself get distracted by just about anything else. Because everything is going to feel more enticing than doing that sometimes.  

And anybody who's done any writing will relate to that. Anytime you sit to write anything, the most important thing to do next is spend the next hour and a half cleaning your desk, or looking at the window or throwing anything else other than actually sitting and doing it. And I don't know any writers that haven't had that experience. But I sit down to write. And the next thing I'm going to have to do is probably clean my entire apartment.  

Cristina Amigoni: Yes. Yes. And looking at the window, noticing that it's dirty and then starting to clean one window. And then you end up with 45 windows. 

Alex Cullimore: I think that one's always my favorite to think about because I'll end up doing things that I have delayed a thousand times over for other things. I'll look at it and be like, "Oh, yeah, I really do need to clean that window or something. Yeah, I need to clean that window. Yeah, I need to clean that window." I've seen that probably five times this month and I've thought, "Yeah, I'll get to that later. It's more important that I write this work email. Now it's more important that I finish this presentation." Whatever it is. Anything becomes more important until I come and sit down to like write or something like that where it's going to require this clarity that's very hard to put your finger on. And suddenly, that window is actually really important and I'd probably get that done right now.  

Cristina Amigoni: Indeed. Indeed. I actually have to admire, with all the travels that we've been doing lately, is we sit on the airplane and you take out your laptop and you start writing. And I'm like, "Yeah, all I'm looking at is the fact that it's one hour before I'm told that the laptop needs to be closed down. So I might as well watch a TV show." Because I'm not actually going to be able to have the focus I need. 

Alex Cullimore: That one is 100 due to Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. That's an excellent book if you ever think about writing. But it's a good reminder that just like sometimes it's just important just to put a paragraph down. Now you have a paragraph you didn't have. That's fine.  

And so, accessing that has been helpful in my own kind of mental influencer work of realizing that like, "Okay, if I have time on something like writing a book, if I have time on that, just get a little piece done." If I want to concentrate on a full presentation, then I have to think about like what's the flow of this? And how does this fit in the overall program? I'm going to need more time than an hour before the 98 different interruptions for the pilot letting us know that he has to turn left a little bit because there's some wind and things like that." 

Cristina Amigoni: Yeah. Yeah. See? all sorts of distractions. That's why TV shows, movies. Yeah, it's really interesting. Another thing that we've noticed is when we do this week-long in person facilitations, and it took us maybe like seven times to figure it out, it was slow, slow moving things, slow realization. But it took us a while to realize that after four days or at least three days of standing up and facilitating, which is really energy-draining. It's energy-creating because we love doing it. But it's also mentally draining. While the energy is up, our mental state is mush by the end of it.  

And so, taking the Friday off if we're done on a Thursday. And also, giving ourselves that grace of not – even if it's not meetings to really not plan on doing anything major the next day. Because our minds are just not going to be there. It doesn't matter that our intentions are great. But our minds are not going to be able to handle it. Our minds have been very heavily used on stage for three days. And that's it. The 20 hours is going to be like you're done. You can have all these things that you want to do, but you're not going to do them or not as well as you can.  

Alex Cullimore: It's so weird to experience those both at the same time. Because it is very energy-giving. It's very fun to do this. It's very engaging. We watch the whole room. We're trying to notice all the people that are quiet, that are not quiet. Getting everybody to participate and changing things up when we need to change them up. There's constant engagement and it feels very energizing while you're in it. And you kind of have this high-level of energy.  

And what's happening over time is the slow drain of mental and physical energy to the point where like, yeah, your body would be happy to give more, but there's no more to give. Because you're not resistance to trying, which is the mistake we made several times. Trying to have more to do on like the Fridays at the end of these weeks.  

Interestingly though, I've noticed the last couple of times, we've really hit a big creativity boost on that Friday. We come up with a bunch of new models and changes that we're like, "Oh, this could work better." And as long as it's not in a structured way or we don't try and like put ourselves down for an hour, we seem to do just fine with it. But we I had to put that in an hour, we'd both just – I think melt into a puddle. 

Cristina Amigoni: Yes. Yeah, it is interesting. That brings up – it's still, I would say, mental influencer. But I would say it's also connected to the spiritual influencer. I think what gives us energy in those moments is the fact that, because it's not full concentration, full focus on something that's almost externally dictated or even dictated by us. Like you said, it doesn't have to be nicely packaged. It doesn't have to be delivered. It doesn't have to be all done.  

And also, we'll write down notes. And if we could forget it, it doesn't matter. Almost like if we look at the mental influencer and realize like, "Uh, we'll use some of these. And some of the other ones are not as important right now." But we can draw to our why, our values, our mission.  

And what the spiritual influencers really bring the energy on is why are we doing this? And what energizes us? Then, yes, we have all sorts of energies. And great ideas come up. We should probably start recording them because we do forget – I forget all of them. But the great ideas do come up on that sense because there isn't that pressure to be mentally focused. And mentally completely present is just being.  

Alex Cullimore: Oh, I had this thought. And then we'll shoot over a text or whatever, which is actually I think the saving grace is that we do a lot of that over text and then we have something to go over back to.  

Cristina Amigoni: Yes. We do need AI to start looking at our texts and summarizing them into something that makes sense. That's your next thing, Apple. Make that happen in my messages.  

Alex Cullimore: Just turn those into my journal notes, please.  

Cristina Amigoni: Yes.  

Alex Cullimore: It's true. And back to the ideas of the mental influencers, that is a matter of alertness and concentration. And we do have access to creativity in that moment as long as we're not trying to constrain it too much. The second we try to work and have constraints, it becomes much more difficult. Then you're concentrated on what's the timeline. We have a meeting coming up. I don't know have time for this.  

But if you can just let that be, we do have a good amount of creativity there. That one's just a weird, interesting group notice for the two of us knowing how this – we, as a pair of people, access this mental influencer. 

Cristina Amigoni: Yeah. It's true. If we look at the ability to access creativity and intuition, which is a big mental influencer, that's where we seem to be drawn to. That's what we can do on a Friday after a whole full week of facilitation. And it's probably because we can pivot to some of the questions. But it's probably because accessing intuitions and validating on intuition is very energizing or at least for me. That's very energizing. I could do that all day long.  

I do it automatically just by breathing. And so, getting to actually verbally do that and just spend however long with no timeline or no deadline on just accessing the intuition and then using that to get creative, it's like, "Oh, I could do this for a living." Wait. We do that for a living.  

Alex Cullimore: We mostly do that for a living.  

Cristina Amigoni: I know. We do that for a living.  

Alex Cullimore: Before we go to the questions, I do want to highlight that intuition piece. Because that is also part of the mental influencer. If we think about things like alertness, our ability to concentration, what we are aware of and our access to creativity. If you think about all these things in combination, it's a pretty good description of what intuition can feel like. You have all this alertness. You're watching what's happening. You have this kind of intuitive hit as they call it. Where if the inputs that are happening are giving you some kind of leading thoughts and you're, "Oh, hey. This seems to be happening. I think it would be good to do this next." Or if somebody throws a decision at you, you're like, "Yeah, this seems like the right decision." You may not have all of the logical thoughts already there about why you ended up there, but your mind just created some kind of model and this is very much kind of an AI thought.  

We have these models in our heads of, "Hey, this is kind of a situation we've seen before. Here's what I think we should do at this point." Intuition is a lot like that, is that all of those combined inputs that we are receiving, our intuition is giving us some kind of depends about what I think should happen next. And the more you can learn to trust that, the more you hit that gut feeling and you feel like, "Oh, this is the right thing."  

It can be as simple as like somebody being like, "Do you want a turkey sandwich? Do you want the veggie sandwich?" You're like, "No. Today, I definitely want the veggie." Whatever it is. Whatever might happen there's some kind of hit where you're like, "Yeah, this seems like the thing to choose."  

And that intuition is a big part of the mental influencer because, until you have that clarity, until you're listing for that intuition, you might not hit it as often. And it may be leading you down a path of shoulds, or what you think should happen, or what other people say should be happening, or whatever else is – well, I have this that I'm going to – I told myself is more important. Or somebody else wants them done first. And that those can influence and stop you from using that intuition. Intuition is almost like the ultimate expression of a fully-engaged mental state. 

Cristina Amigoni: Yeah. Yeah. I love that. And the intuition piece is definitely my favorite of the mental influencers. Because once you learn to access it or once you learn to validate it. Because we all have it. And so, it's really more of a yes validated and start noticing when you're right. What was your intuition telling you about certain situations? And when does that turn to be when were you right and when were you incorrect about what your intuition was saying?  

Once you start realizing that most times and not, if we really listen to that voice and we really hear what it's saying, even if we don't like it, especially if we don't like what it's saying, then it's a huge confidence booster. Then we can really walk in a room. And, again, we're doing this for a living. So it's a little easier.  

But we could really walk in a room and form an opinion based on your intuition and without having the data without. Waving the evidence. Without waiting for that to turn out. Because like it's going to turn out that way. That's what it is. And it's very freeing. At least for me, it was a very freeing way to be me. To be more of me. Repressing my Intuition or pretending that it doesn't tell me what it is definitely has not served me well in life. And it's allowed me to really be confident in what we do and how we do it. Because it's, "Well, my intuition is saying this. And so far, my intuition is almost 100% correct."  

And when it's not, it's when I hear the voice and I don't like what it's saying and I change it. My intuition is still correct. Ad I would argue that it's probably the same for most humans and animals. As creatures, I think we have very strong intuitions. And if we can allow ourselves to accept that we don't need the data, we don't always need the proof, we do have this innate human power and understanding of the world around us. And we just need to listen and not repress it. It's very powerful. It can really help a lot. 

Alex Cullimore: And one thing that's always helped me like re-access that intuition is remembering that there's almost never really regret if you're following your gut. Because if you don't follow your gut, you'll look back and be like, "I knew that wasn't the right thing to do." And then it's kind of hard. It can be painful. You'd be like, "I did have a feeling that this was – I should have chosen something else. I should have done this." And that can be painful. Like, a lot of self-judgment. And that it's not that that is helpful or that you can't work on those things. But usually, we end up more upset when we hit things like, "Oh, I thought I should do that." Or, "Somebody told me to do it this way. And even though I thought originally I shouldn't do it that way, I went with their suggestion. Now I'm like, well, I knew better."  

When things don't go according to plan and we didn't follow our intuition, it's harder to come back from that. When we do follow our intuition, we feel rewarded by that and we can be more comfortable and then we do a lot less second-guessing. And we can unwork some of those overthinking processes.  

And when our intuition is wrong, either there's – if we can give ourselves that space and the compassion, we can expand our intuition. Like, "Oh, here's what I missed about this situation. And next time, I'll think about that." Or it can just be a matter of, "Okay. Well, I changed the voice in my head. I knew I had a first impulse and I changed it. And I logiced my way out of that, the initial impulse."  

It teaches us a lot about being able to trust ourselves, which is a huge part of that confidence you're talking about. That you just can feel more comfortable. You're spending way less mental cycles. Trying to make decisions and losing that energy for other future decisions. So, that can wear you out over the course of a day if you don't get more in touch with it. 

Cristina Amigoni: Yeah, definitely. It can definitely wear out. Especially when the outside evidence doesn't match your intuition, that's a very difficult one. I've headed I've had it recently with some of the work we've been doing because I had the intuition that we would be doing this work for leadership development through the year. And then at some point, a couple of months ago, it looked like we were not. And I was like, "But it doesn't make any sense." What the world is telling me or what other people are telling me it's going to happen, it's not what my intuition is telling me.  

It was definitely a lot of energy for me to reconcile the two and let go because I'm like, "But my intuition is saying that we will be continuing. And people are telling me we're not. No. This is not right."  

Alex Cullimore: Yeah, that dissonance. And it goes back to that idea of like that spiral out. Suddenly, you get that dissonance. Now there's a lot of energy spent on trying to resolve that dissonance and bouncing back and forth between two seeming realities that don't match. And so, that becomes that.  

Now what you're really concentrated on is the dissonance. And that is a very difficult feeling. That can definitely drain energy fairly quickly because it feels like there's no winning. And we can feel this in relationship with other people sometimes. Like, "Oh, man. I really wish they would do that." And they're not going to do that or they don't do that. And now you're stuck between like, "Man, this would be better if that had happened," or something like that. There would be some trap between a rock and a hard place that we created. 

Cristina Amigoni: Yeah. Yeah. And so, what I've learned in those situations is to let go. I know what my intuition is telling me. I know what the evidence is telling me is the opposite. And just let go and let things happen how they are. And then we'll see what happens. Also, my intuition was right on continuing the work. Just to keep the record straight.  

Alex Cullimore: Still putting that on another tally in the intuition column.  

Cristina Amigoni: I know. And still right. I felt it. If I feel it, it's going to happen. That's it done.  

Alex Cullimore: It's important to always have a competition with yourself.  

Cristina Amigoni: And the rest of the world needs to just deal with what my feelings are and get in line. It's like, "Stop pushing it. It's going to happen anyway. We're just wasting energy."  

Alex Cullimore: That one goes into one we'll talk about. In a couple weeks, we'll talk about the trusting the process, which is a very difficult but important part of this. 

Cristina Amigoni: Indeed. All right. Should we get into some coaching on mental influencers? Okay.  

Alex Cullimore: Sounds good. I'll give you the option. Would you like to coach first your client?  

Cristina Amigoni: I'll be the client. 

Alex Cullimore: Okay. All right. Let's think about mental influencers. We're going to jump right into what would be basically the middle of a good coaching session here. Let's start with this question. How likely are you to focus on what you want to happen as opposed to what you don't want to happen?  

Cristina Amigoni: That is a tough one. That was a tough one even when I typed it out. It's a possible question. Well, I am reminded – when I look at things that way, I am reminded of the fact that our brain actually is not capable of processing negatives.  

Simon Sinek has a has a quick video from years ago that he says it. And I've read it in in several books too. When we can use the negative, we can say don't. But our brain actually concentrates, focuses on what's after the no.  

And so, for example, if I say don't think of an elephant, we're all going to think of an elephant. The brain cannot process negatives. And so, between that and also what message do I want to send to the universe? What do I want to materialize? I would say that I would like in my ideal state I focus on what I want to happen instead of what I don't want to happen.  

In stressed situation, I definitely default to what I don't want to happen until I jar myself out of it and I'm like, "Wait. I need to flip this." That there's another side of the coin. If I don't want – and now I can't think of something. But if I don't want to be stuck walking in the rain, then what is it that I want? Well, I want to be dry. Okay? What are my alternatives? I can have an umbrella. I can have a drain hat. I can decide to walk in a different time of the day or maybe not move to Seattle. Whichever it is.  

But that's where the focusing on the what you want to happen provides possibilities. Where the focusing on the way you don't want to happen kind of shuts it down. It's like now you're resisting a situation that you may not have control over. And in most situations, we don't have control over. I don't think I answered the question on what I focus on. I managed to meander around it.  

Alex Cullimore: That's some really good dancing. It's really good diving around. Some great boxing moves. Just diving around. 

Cristina Amigoni: Just dodging the question right and left.  

Alex Cullimore: You mentioned that you feel like in an ideal state you absolutely do focus a lot more on what you want to happen and figuring out what you're kind of like manifesting, creating in your mind for what should happen, what you'd like to see happen. And under stress states, it feels like maybe that's what you end up focusing on and what you don't want to happen.  

If you were to put this on a scale of one to ten, one being feeling like you're focusing largely on what you don't want to happen and 10 being focusing always on what you do want to happen, where would you say you generally land just on an average day?  

Cristina Amigoni: I would say on an average day I land on the – sorry. Which one? The one is no and the 10 is yes?  

Alex Cullimore: Yeah. One is focusing on what you don't want to happen. 10 is focusing what you do.  

Cristina Amigoni: Clearly, you're not paying attention to the question.  

Alex Cullimore: Mental awareness.  

Cristina Amigoni: Mental alertness. Fail. I would saying a normal day I have evolved, hopefully, or I have grown into focusing more on the what I want. I'll probably put myself on a seven, eight. Probably eight on a normal day. Where I have noticed I dive really quickly down the scale is when my values are being challenged. Then it goes pretty quickly straight to what I don't want to happen. 

Alex Cullimore: Talk a little bit more about that. What are some situations where your values are challenged?  

Cristina Amigoni: Good question. First, I have to remember where my values are. Another mental influencer or memory. Some of my top values are integrity, trust, honestly, connections with other community, with other people and some form of freedom in there as well.  

And so, let's talk about connections with others. Human connections and community with others. When that's being challenged, as in, let's say – I don't know. I'm not allowed to talk to people. Then I will go straight to what I don't want to happen. I'll go straight to I don't want to be alone. I don't want to not being allowed to talk to people. I don't want to feel siloed, excluded.  

And so, it's harder for me to then flip to the, "Okay. If I don't want all of those things, what is it that I want?" And then sometimes reconciling with the fact that the current situation, if it's a longer-term situation, may not be able to give me what I want. And so, I fight against what I don't want. Trying to change it. But the situation is not going to budge.  

And so, it takes a lot of energy and it also detracts from my performance. Because at that point, now my full focus is on changing the situation so that it gives me what I want or so it doesn't give me what I don't want. Rather than possibly considering the fact that I have to leave the situation because the situation is never going to meet my values. Did I meander?  

Alex Cullimore: No. That's a great explanation of it. There's this feeling of like when that's challenged, you can't access that as easily. And then it becomes a focus on the situation. And we focus so much on externals. But we can only control internals. And I like how you phrase that, is I start to focus on making what I don't want to happen not happen.  

Cristina Amigoni: Yeah. Yeah.  

Alex Cullimore: I hope everybody follows that double negative. But it is well explained. Because that does help understand like, "Yeah, this is what we're focusing on," which is active resistance, right? It's acting to make sure this doesn't happen and it doesn't give us necessarily to leg up on focusing on what we might want to happen, which is absolutely natural. We get very much pulled into that. We are animals based on threat and reward. And when we start to see that threat, we want to move away from it. If you think about a time when you've moved into that what you do want to have happen, what are questions and phrases you ask yourself to put yourself there?  

Cristina Amigoni: Well, I've learned again in my growth. In the last few years, I've learned to ask what are my values? Which values have been challenged here? I realized I'm spending a lot of energy on trying to change a situation I cannot change because it's not what I want. And so, what values is being challenged because that's usually the trigger. It's a value. 

And so, once I realize the values that's being challenged, I then ask myself, "What's it costing me? What is it costing me to put up with the situation that could potentially be very misaligned with my values? And what am I gaining? And also, is this temporary? Is this a one-time thing? Is this a week? Is these months? Is it years? What is it that I need to compromise on?"  

As we talked about the levels of energy in our introduction, level three is the compromise and the sacrifice, which is not a level that I play well with. And so, if I get to the point of having to realize I have to experience that for longer is how long is that? It's another question. It's like how long am I willing to do this? And is there a chance of this changing? Or should I be looking somewhere else?  

If I get to the point of realizing the situation is not going to change, I have no control over making it changing, I am not willing to sacrifice more than this amount of time, energy, mental state, spiritual state to it, then the next question is, "So, what? What's next? What am I choosing now? And what does that look like?"  

And what do I need? I think that's another big question. It's like, "What do I need?" And most of the times, I'll need a coach friend or a coach. If I have a coach that I've hired at that moment, is a coach to walk it through and figure it out.  

Alex Cullimore: Yeah. Those are great examples and putting yourself into a new situation. You mentioned something important there about you start to use a ton of energy once your values have been challenged. You're now using a lot of energy in fighting against what could happen and not getting into that space.  

Then you can remind yourself once you've recognized that feeling, that you can get into the space of like, "What do I want to have happened? What do I need to have happened?" And you can help and reach out to community and help unpack that. Those are all great steps secondarily after you've realized it.  

I want to put a little bit of awareness on the initial step. You feel challenged in your values. And I know that you've talked a little bit even on this podcast about how you can feel this really. What are some physical triggers that you have that you know, "Hey, there's some values being challenged?"  

Cristina Amigoni: I would say it depends on which value is being challenged. But some of the most common ones that I feel are I stop sleeping. I actually spend most of my – I have quite a bit of insomnia and I spend most of my nights between 1 and 5am with internal dialogues. All those voices that are usually on a walk that freak people out are usually in my head. Having a whole conversation between 1 and 5am. And so, that's one of the first triggers.  

The minute I stop sleeping, my alertness, my antennas go up and I'm like, "Okay, something's challenging my values. What is it? Let's narrow this down. Because I won't take this for more than one night. This is not going to happen."  

And then, just like a general just pit in the stomach, nausea. That's also very common. Cottonmouth. If I am in a situation where a value is being challenged in the situation, not in reflecting the situation on my own. And am I actually supposed to be speaking to someone? I will not be able to speak. It's like somebody is just stuffing cotton in my mouth and I cannot get words out.  

And in the same vein, I feel like a pit in my throat. Heart gets constrained. My fists start closing. If it's values that – like, once the fighting reaction. There's quite a few. And if it's a long-term thing, besides the sleeping piece. It's also like my shoulders. Pains in my shoulders. My shoulders will start having pain or my neck.  

That's another big thing, is like if I suddenly wake up and for a few days my neck hurts, it's like, "Okay. Something is off. There's something." I don't know what it is. But something is causing me the stress.  

Alex Cullimore: If you're going to put that in terms of a mental influencer, which couple of those maybe feel like the most strongly detract from your mental concentration and power?  

Cristina Amigoni: I would say clarity. I lose clarity quite a bit. Just clarity of purpose. Clarity of what to do next. I definitely feel like I can't access clarity. I can't really have that help me. Because it's gone. Sometimes intuition and creativity as well. Intuition and creativity. Especially if my intuition is something I'm battling with on, "Well, what did I feel?" Versus what's happening. There's probably alertness just because my mind is constantly in this battle of what to do? What's happening? What are the voices? What's causing all this disturbance? And so, I'm not alert. I'm not really paying any attention to what's around me. There's enough going on inside of me.  

Alex Cullimore: Which of the physical reactions do you think causes that kind of most acute stress? Most immediate reaction and shutting away all that clarity and alertness?  

Cristina Amigoni: Sleep and neck, shoulder pain.  

Alex Cullimore: If you put yourself in and say – I'm hoping that currently you're not feeling under stress or lack of sleep.  

Cristina Amigoni: No. I did have neck pain last week though. And so, I did think about it a little bit. I was like, "What was happening last week that was causing the neck pain?" And I don't think it was just a hotel pillow. 

Alex Cullimore: Yeah, that makes sense. There's a lot going on in all of these weeks. 

Cristina Amigoni: Yes. Yes. It could have been the hotel pillow. But I don't fully believe it.  

Alex Cullimore: If you took something like, let's say, neck pain, and that's a good like long-term one. It sounds like when you're in a situation and things like cottonmouth can pop up, you might like have that immediately happen. What would be a physical sensation you'd want to have in those moments where you're trying to feel like choked out or denied?  

Cristina Amigoni: Well, not a whole box of cotton in my mouth. Let's turn it into a positive. Just clear. Being able to actually peacefully and eloquently process what's happening so that my words come out.  

And, honestly, if I think about it and go a step further, not feeling the need that I have to speak out. That's what I would prefer. It's like, "Okay, there's cotton in my mouth. Do I actually have to speak out? Do I have to defend myself here?" Not feeling that I have to would probably be what I would search for. a feeling that I can be silent and just take the situation in. And it's not a fight. 

Alex Cullimore: Sounds like accessing something tranquility. A space of observation. What's maybe mental image that reminds you of that state where you feel like you don't have to speak up and you feel more tranquil?  

Cristina Amigoni: A mental image. Huh. 

Alex Cullimore: Or physical. 

Cristina Amigoni: I don't know. For some reason, the first thing that came to mind was just walking on a beach and watching the ocean alone. Or if I'm not alone, not having to speak with whoever I'm in. Well, whomever I'm with. 

Alex Cullimore: If you were to tie these experiences together, what's a way you can remind yourself a private beach walk when you're feeling cottonmouth?  

Cristina Amigoni: I would say – well, first of all, realizing. Name it. Realizing there's cotton happening and name it so that I can stop the reaction to want to speak. Ask myself. Is it necessary for me to speak here? Or do I just need to learn? Is this a curiosity moment where I just need to learn and let things be and then discern later?  

And so, then once I'm in a better state where I'm actually breathing and my heart rate is down, maybe have that mental image. Bring up the mental image of just being on a beach and looking out of the ocean.  

Alex Cullimore: You're going to try that or try reworking that trigger in your brain, what's something you'd want to do this week?  

Cristina Amigoni: I haven't had cottonmouth in a long time. In a very long time. Years, I would say. But I would say something I would want to do this week. I'm hoping I'm not going to experience it this week. But I would say just remind myself to name it and that I have the successful mirror. It's like name it. Look for the curiosity and then steer the ocean. 

Alex Cullimore: That's a great one. And if you've done a good job of eliminating, you always do a good job processing what you can do once things are named. You've expressed that in a couple different ways. And we've just known that for a long time. You've expressed that even in this conversation. It sounds like that naming portion is incredibly important. As a kind of wrap-up question, what are signs that you need to name something that you might –  

Cristina Amigoni: Definitely, the physical reactions. Figure out. If you're having a physical reaction, what is it? Name it. Name the physical reaction. It's like throat feels closed. My fists are closing. I stopped breathing. My heart is racing. My neck hurts. Just name it. Actually, take the time to name it. What was the question?  

Alex Cullimore: What are signs that you need to name something? That exactly.  

Cristina Amigoni: Yeah. Definitely, listening to the body. The body reacts way before the mind does. Way before. And so, be very aware of those signals. And then just also use my shortcuts. I almost have cliff notes on which body reaction connects to which value that's being challenged.  

And so, once I name the body reaction. Realize, "Okay, this is it. My need for human connections is being challenged." "Oh, my need for being able to speak up is being challenged." "My need for trust and integrity is being challenged." Just name it. Connect it to the value. And then after that, it's that kind of I'm already in the motion of figuring out like, "Okay. How much is it being challenged?" is something. Is this something that I need to fight for or is this something that I just need to let go? Is it temporary or is it letting it go?  

Alex Cullimore: That's a great exercise. That's great. But I think anybody can take down if they wanted to work on things like mental influencer. It's a great idea to document your triggers. To think about what pushed you in different places. Obviously, each situation we tend to think is like fairly different or fairly unique. Or I'm really focused on what's happening in this situation the more we can get reflective and find those common threads. I think you've Illustrated well that you can figure out which values end up being tied to which kind of physical responses because it just happens to be – it's connected to your mind. This is where your mind kind of experiences a pinch. And because of that pinch, the full expression of the body is the same each time these are challenged. And so, parsing that out is a great way of increasing your mental awareness and giving yourself the ability to respond rather than react. 

Cristina Amigoni: Yeah. And I would say since it is the mental awareness, then now we're focusing on is all of those pieces that I've talked about. Naming the physical reaction. Connecting it to the value. It can happen so fast that it's like being The Flash in your own mind. It's like it's split seconds. It's not even a second that all that can happen.  

And so, the real focus at that point can really be on what is it that I have going on right now that needs my full mental capacity? That it's going to be detracted. And is that something that I can postpone? So, like, "Hey, this happened. And not fighting fires. So, you know what? This presentation is not going to happen this afternoon. I'm going to need to go for a walk. I'm going to need to talk to a coach. I'm going to need to do something else because I'm not going to be able –" that's the influence. What's the impact of what's happening in my mental state is that?  

Realizing. Going to that pretty quickly so that I can then make the necessary arrangement in my schedule and what needs to be happening so that I cannot pretend that I can be mentally capable at the moment to perform.  

Alex Cullimore: Giving yourself that space. That's excellent.  

Cristina Amigoni: Yeah. 

Alex Cullimore: That's great awareness. 

Cristina Amigoni: Thank you. 

Alex Cullimore: All right. Yeah, let's do this.  

Cristina Amigoni: Are we ever ready to be coached?  

Alex Cullimore: Yeah. I say with hesitation and confidence at the same time. 

Cristina Amigoni: The other side will be fine and the process will probably be okay. That's the beginning. Say yes to coaching. That's always the hard part. All right. Let me come up with a question, give me a second, on mental influencers.  

Well, since we talked about the working genius, and we know that you are a wonder and invention person. Those are your geniuses. What have you noticed enhances your creativity and what the tracks from it?  

Alex Cullimore: I think it's actually, for me, a similar answer when we first started with the how likely are you to focus on what you want to happen versus don't want to happen? When I'm in that more creative state, I think it's when I have that space to think laterally and just pre-associate and just be essentially messy and wrong about what I'm thinking.  

And then when I say wrong, I mean, I'll come up with some random connections that aren't ever going to make it into a presentation or even onto the page or whatever I'm putting together. I think when I can let go of that judgment of self, then I can get into that creative state.  

Really, as I'm saying it out loud, it really, I think boils down to judgment. When I feel like I'm judging what's happening, I'm not going to be able to access enough creativity to do something more innovative or something where I really feel that levity. 

Cristina Amigoni: Yeah, that makes sense, especially given that creativity does need to – does require not having the boundaries and having the free flow. And also, not going to immediately to, "Well, this is bad and this is good." And going to the next stage of that. The judgment is ever good or needed. But at some point, we all look at ideas and we figure out what works and what doesn't work. But that's not what's asked right now. The creativity is. The more free-flowing, the more ideas can come up.  

When you think about that judgment, what is the voice telling you? What are some of the questions or the statements, that little judgmental devil is providing?  

Alex Cullimore: It depends a little bit on the situation. But there's two things that come to mind first. One is anticipating negative reactions from other people. Like, "Oh, man. If I put this down, this is going to make sense to people. Or this is going to –" it's almost like a kind of a vulnerability thing, I guess, when I say it that way too. If I write this down, it's just some zany thought or whatever in my head. What does this say about me to other people? Or what is this going to look like in the final product? Or how does this fit in? That's not part of this. Those kinds of voices tend to pop up.  

And the other one, it's less almost – it's a personal judgment of what is important. It's kind of one that we've talked about a little bit. When you sit down and do something, you end up procrastinating about cleaning the window or something. There's a voice that I'm increasingly recognizing. And I just started especially hearing it and noticing it in the last like week. When there's enough going on that could be done, there's generally a voice in my head that's like constantly pulling towards something else and saying that that's more important or saying that go deal with this right now.  

I mean, it was ridiculous. Even things like we were just having a debrief conversation after a day of facilitation. We're talking to some facilitators. And in the back of my mind I'm like, "I should go and unplug the projector. I should go unplug the projector. I should go unplug the projector." It's obviously not necessary right now. Like we can wait another five minutes and have this conversation. But those two voices come up most often and stop that creativity.  

Some little voice pulling on a string in my head telling me that there's something more important right now. Or, really, go get distracted by this. Go get distracted by this. Or the one that's saying this isn't good enough. Somebody's going to judge what you're putting down here.  

Cristina Amigoni: Yeah. That's interesting. Understandable. Yeah. It sounds like it can be a pretty annoying and loud voice at times. How do you recognize when that voice pops up?  

Alex Cullimore: Actually, I've ended up doing it mostly in times of reflection. When I look back, I'm like, "Oh, why am I stuck on this?" But because I've done that a couple times now, it's actually getting easier to find that voice in the middle of what's happening.  

Now I think I've associated that feeling better. The feeling of this distraction voice is it's – I can kind of notice the mental thought that starts to happen. I'm noticing the buzz. The pole. It's that feeling of dissonance of like there's two things I have to be concentrating on right now. And I'm not doing either one. And losing the ability to do either.  

Tracking that feeling has been really important and helping understanding that voice is coming up. That buzz. The judgment from others or worrying about judgment from others, I think that one – when do I notice it? How do I notice it? If I'm really mentally-focused and concentrated, I might be able to notice that that doesn't really sound like my voice. That's not really authentically my voice. It's coming from somewhere else. It might sound like somebody else.  

And sometimes, literally, I can hear some criticism I've received echoing from years past and sometimes more figuratively, where I'm like, "if I was to really tell somebody this, I wouldn't say it that way." It's like the voice you see in writing. It's the voice – like on the written page. It's authors. And every writer has their own voice. 

And so, when you can notice those thoughts and you're like, "That doesn't sound like something I would say. That isn't something I would put down." And that's a great way of saying – for me, I think of noticing like, "Oh, I'm not sure this is my judgment. This is a worry about external judgment."  

Cristina Amigoni: It's very good awareness actually. It doesn't sound like you. It's like something else. Some other voice that has come up. What do you do? What are your typical actions when you hear that voice?  

Alex Cullimore: It depends on whether I am in a good state of mind or more – if the judgment voice starts winning. If I'm not paying enough attention and I'm not seeing this as separate. And I'm just following that judgment is now truth. I'm taking this as an assumption. Bearing it right in my reactions. Then I'm going to start avoiding. I'm going to start stepping away. That's where the distraction voice can definitely take over. Because the painful feeling of being like, "Oh, this is not what I want it to be. This is not as good as I want it to be." It's much easier to immediately replace that with the distraction voice of like, "So, it really is important then to go empty the dishwasher right now." Whatever it is. Whatever is happening. That's now the most important thing.  

One action is avoidance and distraction. And the follow-up, other ones can be like building up reasons to not continue or not re-engage. And starting to make those mental lists of like is this really important to even do? What matters? Whatever it is. I think, either way, it comes down to some little avoidance. And whether I'm creating, building in future avoidance and acting on an immediate avoidance. I think those are the two most common. 

Cristina Amigoni: Yeah. That's very insightful on the key piece being the avoidance. What does the avoidance cost you? Or what do you gain from it?  

Alex Cullimore: Sometimes avoidance and being distracted on something like, yeah, emptying the dishwasher. I can get things done that just generally need to get done. That that is sometimes helpful just to like, "Okay. Well, now I really will go finish filling out the grocery cart and go pick that up later or whatever. Or go pick that up now because I filled it up before." Sometimes it just helps complete other tasks.  

But the cost is always similar. It's avoiding some task that is – the only tasks I'm really going to avoid in this kind of sense where it's something that I want to do. It's costing me the ability to continue to do something that is important to me even if I can get something nominal done in the meantime, which sometimes can be beneficial for something else. It's losing out on the larger picture and the bigger goal of something that is important. 

Cristina Amigoni: That makes sense. Yeah. Good awareness, for sure, in there. Next time the voice comes up, how would you like to recognize is it? What do you think will help you recognize it and respond to it?  

Alex Cullimore: I think I'm going to do some more thinking on that. To that voice of judgment, I hadn't really put together as much that when I do recognize it based on – this is why coaching is great. I would never put this together without this conversation. That voice comes up and can be identified as other people.  

And now that I've gotten – I understood viscerally this week that idea of kind of isolating the voice, of the distracting voice, of something that's trying to pull me on something else. And I've gotten better at noticing like, "Okay. Yeah, I know that that's something that I need to do at some point. I need to put a pin in that and put that away for now."  

And so, if I can get better at identifying the judgment voice in that way, it's similar to what you're talking about being able to like name the feeling. The second you can recognize that, the second you can see it and notice it, the game has changed already. Now you're aware of it. You know it's separate from you. You know it's now a choice.  

I guess it's getting better at recognizing what pieces really come up there when that voice pops up. And getting better at noticing or asking myself like, "Is this my voice? Is this not my voice?" I guess that would be the first one that I'd like to ask, is like, "Is this really coming from me or not? And would I say this?"  

If I phrase it the first way of is it really coming from me? That's going to fall down a path of like self-questioning of like I don't know. Maybe. Let's go dance and lose circles there. But if I say would I say this? That's a much more curious question. And I'd like to have that one instead.  

Cristina Amigoni: Yeah. And it's interesting how you just turn a closed-ended question into an open-ended question and then avoided a rabbit hole of them proving the yes or no to that close-ended questions, which we talked about that a lot, is why switching to open-ended questions. And it's because that it allows for like rabbit holes. Now you're not defending the yes or the no. Now you're actually going into the details. And so, that's changing that question like you did opens up the possibilities.  

Alex Cullimore: Well, I really like how you said that. That makes me think about the binary and how much, yeah, close-ended questions can often be like a yes or no or just emotionally closes it off. But that's a really good point that it just – at that point, you're now just fighting between two options as opposed to seeing any kind of nuance. Either this is my voice or it's not.  

And in reality, I guess all these voices of judgment are things that I've internalized at some level. And some of them probably deep enough that it would sound like my voice. And that doesn't necessarily mean that I have to keep it as my voice. But if I'm just answering, "Is this me or not?" That's a yes or no rabbit that made this. You're going to lose energy in cycles fighting that one. That's a good point. That close-ended just ends up in this binary fight between black or white and no shades of gray. 

Cristina Amigoni: Yeah, definitely. You've talked about how that the voice distracts you from what really matters to you, from doing things that really matter to you. When you think about doing, not letting the voice go, and giving it a beer and tell it to go somewhere else and have fun for a while. But when you think about you're now in the state of doing something that really matters to you, what does that feel like? And what's that what does that feel? I will not compound the questions of that. 

Alex Cullimore: It depends on what I guess I'm doing at the moment. But if I think about like one thing that like we talked about a couple times is like writing right now. I'm working on writing the book that we're putting together. There's almost a literal physical feeling of flow occasionally where just like I'm just excited about thinking about whatever I'm thinking about and just typing rapidly. And it's not that all these are – these are all thoughts that will absolutely need to be paired down in future drafts. And it's not like it's a flow of creating some perfect essay in the moment. But it's connection to I can almost visually feel it in my fingertips of like this is kind of flowing out. It's just enjoyable to kind of feel that movement of like there's a buzz but not that mental buzz of like fog. It's just this – it's a feeling of higher energy, literal energy. Vibrating your fingertips. You can almost feel there's just kind of excitements in it.  

And I guess if I really think about it, that's when it feels like, "Oh, I'm connected to something I'm doing right now." And it's just really enjoyable to go. You don't notice other things. You don't notice things like your neck getting sore. You don't notice things like your mouth's getting dry. Because it's not happening. You're just in it.  

Cristina Amigoni: Great reflection. How can you harness that energy that you feel in your finger fingertips the next time the voice comes up and it's like distraction, shiny object? 

Alex Cullimore: The distraction voice, I'm getting better at being like – one thing that can't help – if I'm in the space where I can do it right then, I'll just put it in like my reminders app. Just write this down. I'll know it will be there later. Stop thinking about it. It doesn't have to bounce around in my head to stay at the top of mind. I can just go back to this list later and then they will be there. That's a good one.  

And if it's not possible, if like I was talking about, I'm having a conversation but feeling pulled in a different direction. I'm getting better at just being like that can be done later. Just telling, absolutely, that's fine. And kind of like mentally writing it down or – or , honestly, just acknowledging it tends to do the trick. Like, "Yeah. Okay. I hear you, subconscious. I get it. I will have to unplug the projector at some point. I get it."  

And I don't mean that even in judgmental way. I do hear you. I noticed that will be important. Right now, I want to concentrate on this. And so, let's get back to this. And acknowledging it is usually enough to let that go. And in the judgment voice, honestly, I love doing things like this and getting into this kind of self-awareness and understanding. Getting just a moment to be like, "Okay. Well, if it's really important right now, maybe just spend a little time journaling on that. Like let's step out and just investigate that a little bit and know it better next time it comes up. And I love the idea of just handing it a beer. You can't feed Gremlins chicken. But you might be able to give him a beer and distract him for a bit. 

Alex Cullimore: I did look up the gremlin rules. It's not chicken. I think chicken is what they ended up feeding it. And so, in my memory of an eight-year-old watching the movie, it's like it's stuck with chicken. But, no. It's actually food. No food after midnight. No shining the light or being in the sun. Because they melt. And no being touched by water in any way. That was my morning when I woke up this morning. Like I need to know how the Gremlins are activated. Yeah. Anyway, side track. That does seem like really good techniques. What support would you need to make sure that they continue?  

Alex Cullimore: It'll be interesting just, I guess, to reflect on like what judgments have come up in a week and what triggers it. What do we know more about our triggers? Maybe it's just a matter of like a future conversation about like, "Hey, now that we've done a little bit more of whatever work we have to do this week, what came up? What'd you notice?"  

Cristina Amigoni: When did you get distracted? What was the voice saying when you got distracted?  

Alex Cullimore: Tha one's going to be a long list.  

Cristina Amigoni: We can do that. We can figure it out. All right. Well, thank you.  

Alex Cullimore: Yeah. Yeah. Thanks.  

Cristina Amigoni: This was an almost full-on coaching session on the mental influencer. There's a lot more to unpack over many, many sessions. And also, there's no switching roles typically when we do this in coaching sessions. But I hope this provided some clarity on clarity.  

Alex Cullimore: Clarifying clarity. 

Cristina Amigoni: Clarifying clarity on how to access our own clarity and how we can really perform better when we understand how our minds are working and what helps them and what doesn't help them.  

Alex Cullimore: Yeah. I think we can all lean back on technology now is a very visceral feeling of when we get distracted. I mean, 10,000 notifications pop up. 10,000 little buzzes. If you want to know about the mental influencers, just think about all the little things that end up distracting. And how we are finding ways to mitigate those distractions through focus time and whatever else.  

And all the different strategies we have for technology are great external ways to notice those internal distractions and things that pull us in different directions and stop us from being able to finish what we're working on. 

Cristina Amigoni: Exactly. Hope you enjoy boy. And next one will be emotional. So, see you next time. 

Alex Cullimore: Emotional influencers.  

Cristina Amigoni: Yeah.  

Alex Cullimore: Thanks. 

[OUTRO] 

Cristina Amigoni: Thank you for listening to Uncover the Human, a Siamo podcast.  

Alex Cullimore: Special thanks to our podcast operations wizard, Jake Lara; and our score creator, Rachel Sherwood.  

Cristina Amigoni: If you have enjoyed this episode, please share, review and subscribe. You can find our episodes wherever you listen to podcasts.  

Alex Cullimore: We would love to hear from you with feedback, topic ideas or questions. You can reach us at podcast wearesiamo.com, or at our website, wearesiamo.com, LinkedIn, Instagram or Facebook. We Are Siamo is spelled W-E A-R-E S-I-A-M-O. 

Cristina Amigoni: Until next time, listen to yourself, listen to others and always uncover the human. 

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